Había una vez un conejito que se quería ir de casa.
Un día le dijo a su mamá:
-Me voy de casa ahora mismo.
-Si te vas de casa -le dijo la mamá-, correré tras de ti, pues tú eres mi conejito querido.
-Si corres tras de mí -dijo el conejito-, me convertiré en trucha y nadaré en el arroyo, lejos, muy lejos de ti.
-Si te conviertes en trucha y nadas en el arroyo -dijo la mamá-, me haré pescadora y te pescaré”.
Así comienza El conejito andarín, de Margaret Wise Brown.
Todas las noches le leemos este cuento a Layla. David es el conejito, de voz muy aguda y tono desafiante. Yo soy la mamá, y hablo con mi voz aburrida.
Ya mismo voy a exigir un cambio de roles.
Layla no había cumplido los ocho meses todavía. Estábamos en la clase de música para bebés que tomamos durante el invierno.
De pronto, mi chiquita empezó a gatear, y por primera vez en su vida, se fue solita, me dejó.
Me miró, le sonreí, y siguió su camino para saludar a May y a su abuela, nuestras amigas japonesas. Se dejó mimar por esa abuela postiza y al rato volvió a mi.
Yo estaba orgullosa y feliz, claro. Ese había sido su primer paso hacia la independencia. Pero…mi corazón se estrujó al ver irse a mi conejita andarina.
Al día siguiente, en casa, Layla decidió explorar el baño. Yo la seguía de cerca pero en silencio. Ella se entretuvo un rato con este nuevo espacio descubierto, pero de pronto se puso a llorar desconsoladamente.
Parecía atemorizada. Una vez aupa mío, me abrazaba como si quisiera evitar ser arrastrada por un tornado.
Me agaché en el piso del baño con ella por un ratito, y después me senté en el borde de la bañera, mirándola.
Ella seguía con sus descubrimientos. De vez en cuando me miraba, confirmaba que yo estaba ahí, y continuaba explorando.
Después de una semana de estas idas y vueltas me acorde de algo sobre lo que había leído en los largos días de mi embarazo: la angustia del octavo mes, o en inglés -y me parece más apropiado- “angustia de separación”.
Que sí, se inicia entre los seis y los ocho meses, pero puede extenderse hasta mucho más adelante (dieciocho, veinticuatro meses).
¿Qué es la angustia de separación? Es una etapa normal y saludable para el desarrollo emocional del ser humano.
Los bebes comienzan a percibir que ellos y sus mamás son dos cosas separadas ¿Se imaginan la intensidad de ese sentimiento?
Transitan el camino de la unidad a la separación. Van de estar en brazos a moverse independientemente. Y les lleva tiempo balancear las ansias de explorar el mundo y la necesidad de sentir la seguridad de mamá, que ahora no está siempre pegada, y que hasta puede desaparecer!
William y Martha Sears, en su libro The Baby Book proponen esta interesante teoría, a la que llegaron luego de observar a su hijo Matthew:
“Mientras Matthew gateaba por la habitación, nos miraba para confirmar que lo estábamos mirando. Se enojaba si no nos veía, o si nos veía salir el cuarto ¿Por qué este comportamiento tan curioso? Como observadores de bebés que somos (nota: los Sears tienen ocho hijos y él es pediatra), hemos aprendido que los bebés siempre hacen lo que hacen por una buena razón. La angustia de separación parece llegar a su punto más alto cuando el bebé comienza a desarrollar su habilidades locomotrices ¿Podría entonces la angustia de separación ser un alerta en busca de seguridad, que se prende cuando el bebé tiene la capacidad motora de alejarse de sus padres, pero todavía no ha desarrollado la capacidad mental de manejar esta separación? El cuerpo le dice “¡vámonos!”, y la mente le dice “¡no!”. De otra manera, él simplemente se iría”.
Un par de buenos conejos de los Sears:
-Dar señales de confianza ante lo nuevo (ambientes, personas, juguetes).
-Mantener el contacto a través de la voz si es que el bebé no puede vernos (recién alrededor de los dos años los chicos pueden crear una imagen mental de lo que no está físicamente presente).
-Conocer esta importante etapa del desarrollo y acompañar a los hijos con paciencia y respeto.
-”¡Vaya! -dijo el conejito-, mejor me quedo donde estoy y sigo siendo tu conejito.
Y así lo hizo.
-¿Quieres una zanahoria? -le pregunto su mamá”.
Y colorín colorado (por ahora). Intuyo que estas idas y vueltas al regazo de mamá recién empiezan. El camino hacia la independencia es largo y sinuoso. Lo será para Layla. Y lo será para mi.
muy linda historia….ya lo tendre presente para cuando Santi llege a esa edad. Hoy nos dieron su pasaporte frances….asi que ya esta listo para empezar a descubrir la casa y el mundo!
Besos
sofi
Me desayuno con esto. Luisa tiene 7m y anda como tren, y justo hace una semana o dos o tuve un pico de “quiero estar sin vos más de 10 minutos!!”
Igual parece q no lo venimos haciendo mal, la acompaño, la sigo, apenas se despierta estoy ahí para saludarla y pasa del puchero a la sonrisa…
Cuánto pa aprender.
Thanks!
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