Foto: De cara al sol, Raiders Light (Flickr Creative Commons)
En diciembre del año pasado, unos días antes de volver a Estados Unidos, participé de nuestra última reunión de puérperas en lo de la partera Mirta Merino. Me acuerdo que anuncié triunfante: “Estoy lista para volver, siento que ya terminó el puerperio”. Y una de las chicas, madre de tres hijos, me respondió: “Bueno, una parte del puerperio”.
Tenía razón esta mujer. Era solo una parte, la más intensa y dolorosa, “el encuentro con la propia sombra”, en palabras de Laura Gutman. Esa sombra que no se va más, pero que ahora, que ya ha visto la luz, se nos aparece clara y nítidamente.
Me acuerdo bien de esos días. No podía dejar de recordar. Un pasado triste, vacío de amor hasta la llegada de David. Y ahora la tenía a Layla, ese amor tan enorme, y de verdad que no sabía donde ponerlo. Nunca había amado así.
Las tardecitas eran oprimentes. Durante el día funcionaba bien, pero mi compostura se iba con el sol. Lloraba, recordaba más, tenía miedo de la vida que podría llegar a darle a mi hija si seguía los mandatos familiares. Tenía miedo de mí. Y me sentía culpable por pensar en cosas tan horrendas mientras le daba la teta a Layla.
Layla la que me enamoró, la que vino nadando en un mar de amor, Laylita, el amor de mis amores.
Empecé a escribir. Como una máquina, llenaba hojas, le contaba a Layla mi historia, necesitaba que ella lo supiera todo. Le contaba cómo había llegado hasta acá, como la había dado a luz en la penumbra de un departamento de San Telmo. Sé que mi puerperio transcurrió como lo hizo por la manera en que parí a Layla.
“Cierro los ojos y me veo desnuda, pujándote hija, gritando en la semi oscuridad.
Con cada grito me vacío de dolor.
No es sólo el dolor del parto. Es mi viejo dolor del alma.
Esa noche grité. Como nunca antes lo había hecho en mi vida.
Grité con furia y con miedo. Grité con esperanza y con pasión.
Grité para expulsar al diablo de la caverna.
Esa noche entendí el ciclo de la vida. Lo que empieza, termina.
O mejor: se transforma.
Lo que nace, muere, y lo que muere renace.”
Y así empecé a renacer yo, el 7 de septiembre de 2007.
El otro día chateaba con mi amiga Josefina, cuya Emma nació en casa, hace casi tres meses. Ella me contaba la intensidad con la que está atravesando el puerperio, como se estaba conectando con la niña que fue, y como la estructura emocional que hasta ahora la había sostenido estaba reacomodándose casi violentamente.
Y al final, sorprendida todavía por la magnitud de su puerperio, me dijo: “Con Joaqui, mi primer hijo (nacido en un parto medicalizado) no fue así. Se ve que la peridural anestesia algo más que el abdomen”.
También: El nacimiento de Layla
enero 11th, 2009 at 9:40 am
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octubre 31st, 2011 at 11:46 pm
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noviembre 1st, 2011 at 12:05 am
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noviembre 2nd, 2011 at 12:36 pm
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noviembre 2nd, 2011 at 2:43 pm
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noviembre 2nd, 2011 at 9:28 pm
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noviembre 2nd, 2011 at 11:20 pm
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noviembre 2nd, 2011 at 11:31 pm
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 2:24 am
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 2:55 am
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 8:09 am
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 8:47 am
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 11:04 am
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 12:05 pm
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 12:34 pm
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 4:22 pm
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 5:08 pm
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noviembre 3rd, 2011 at 6:09 pm
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noviembre 4th, 2011 at 5:41 am
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noviembre 4th, 2011 at 9:53 am
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noviembre 4th, 2011 at 1:37 pm
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noviembre 4th, 2011 at 2:43 pm
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noviembre 4th, 2011 at 8:08 pm
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noviembre 4th, 2011 at 11:05 pm
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noviembre 5th, 2011 at 9:10 am
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noviembre 5th, 2011 at 9:55 am
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noviembre 5th, 2011 at 8:55 pm
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noviembre 5th, 2011 at 11:43 pm
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noviembre 6th, 2011 at 12:45 am
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noviembre 6th, 2011 at 8:57 am
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noviembre 6th, 2011 at 3:15 pm
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noviembre 6th, 2011 at 6:43 pm
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noviembre 6th, 2011 at 9:12 pm
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noviembre 6th, 2011 at 10:14 pm
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noviembre 7th, 2011 at 1:06 am
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noviembre 7th, 2011 at 3:43 am
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noviembre 7th, 2011 at 8:26 am
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noviembre 7th, 2011 at 11:27 am
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noviembre 7th, 2011 at 2:04 pm
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noviembre 7th, 2011 at 11:59 pm
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 8:36 am
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 9:07 am
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 9:20 am
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 9:28 am
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 10:11 am
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 11:10 am
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 1:30 pm
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[...]just beneath, are numerous totally not related sites to ours, however, they are surely worth going over[...]……
noviembre 8th, 2011 at 3:30 pm
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 4:44 pm
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noviembre 8th, 2011 at 9:11 pm
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[...]check below, are some totally unrelated websites to ours, however, they are most trustworthy sources that we use[...]……
noviembre 8th, 2011 at 10:25 pm
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noviembre 9th, 2011 at 2:38 am
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noviembre 9th, 2011 at 4:27 am
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noviembre 9th, 2011 at 12:14 pm
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noviembre 9th, 2011 at 1:51 pm
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noviembre 9th, 2011 at 1:55 pm
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noviembre 9th, 2011 at 3:37 pm
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